Bologna is a nice city to visit, however, it’s not very big. The city’s highlight is definitely its food! All in all I enjoyed staying in the capital of the Emilia-Romagna region, as the general vibe is good – I felt welcome and safe. To my great pleasure, my aunt Suski came to visit me for the second week and we explored the city together and enjoyed heavenly food. I had no idea so many traditional Italian dishes come from this area; handmade Tortellini and Tortelloni, Prosciutto, Mortadella, Green Lasagna (the only dish we didn’t get around to enjoy), cheeses like Parmigiano Reggiano and Grana Padano, Bolognese sauce (Ragù, locally)… and of course delicious gelato, pastries and coffee. We also entertained ourselves by visiting the local sights and – of course – walked modest half-marathons on a daily basis. Even though I enjoy solo traveling, it was lovely to have someone to share moments with: a delicious taste, a beautiful view or an intelligent (or not-so-intelligent) thought. Big thanks Suski for visiting me – we’ve already started planning her next stay! 💗

Street view of Bologna, the modern art museum feat. a colorful sunset, mouth-watering salumi e formaggi, le due Torri, fish from Quadrilatero and the Sanctuary of the Madonna di San Luca

In this week’s ponderings, I considered the balance between the “shoulds and musts” in life and the subtle art of “doing nothing”. I think I figured out the magic behind it.

For me, the hopeless people-pleaser and over-achiever, the thought of “doing nothing” for a year sounded like the biggest dream come true. Yet, the reality hits you hard when you are actually faced with the opportunity to do just that – nothing at all. I thought back to the times I had fallen ill or had a very rare weekend without plans; when ignoring the actual fact of feeling unwell in case of illness, it had always been enjoyable. To stay home, sleep in, lie on the couch and do absolutely nothing at all. Watch Netflix, just have a day dreaming session, file my nails or have insightful discussions or award winner speeches with my mirror self. A moment to ground myself. It’s the best thing ever! After a few days of this type of lolling around I tend to get a bit uneasy, maybe even feel a tad guilty. There are things to get on with, responsibilities to take care of and duties to tick off on the to-do-list. The flat should be hoovered, work must be attended, there are people to catch-up with and the fridge needs a serious stock-up. Also, my hair needs to be washed.

Leaving the house for the first time after a proper hide-out can feel a little strange. Sometimes, it is due to the fact that your body is not fully recovered yet or is very stiff due to all the couch-potatoing and even the walk to the metro station can be physically exhausting. Sometimes the waft of fresh air on your skin just feels like a total novelty after days inside. Interacting with people after not hearing your own voice aloud can be a bit of a surprise, too (“has my voice always been this nasal?” or “gosh, formulating sensible sentences is such a challenge!”), unless, of course, you have been having animated discussions or winning arguments e.g. in the shower while staying indoors. In many ways, the outing can feel like a mini re-birth; getting back out there and on top of your routines. It’s quite enjoyable, yet can be tiring; getting back from zero to 100 %. I also often recognize a feeling of self-approval; “well done, Cass, for getting back on the horse – that’s the way to go. Now, forget all about that couch.”

But I wonder, who sets the tone for the pace of life? Who is the one setting up all these expectations about how to spend my time? Guilty. Of course, in order to lead a functional life, certain aspects need to be arranged and held up with, to keep the wheels spinning. I suppose work is a responsibility that cannot be neglected, same goes for stocking up the fridge (priorities!). But since when has it not been OK to lay low for a while, to shut down a bit and to regroup the energy levels, if needed – even if this means postponing / cancelling some other “shoulds or musts” in life? Why is “doing nothing” not scheduled into my weeks as a regular occurrence anyway? Since when did my life become a fully scheduled masterplan without gaps for intuitive directions?

I’m not sure why I should feel guilty about not doing anything meaningful once in a while and satisfied, when returning to the achieving cycle. Why would it be frowned upon to have a chance to reconnect with oneself anyway? If having a rare weekend off or being ill gives me such pleasure, I cannot help but state that the super machine I call myself might have radically miscalculated the need for downtime in the everyday rhythm of life.

This might sound totally insane for some, but was a big epiphany for me. When I started my Italian adventure in Verona and had my melt-down moment on my second day in town, I didn’t fully realize that this was part of the problem. I didn’t know what to do with myself, as all I had on the agenda was fulfilling the basic needs of a human being; sleep, food, exercise. Under “normal” circumstances, I would in addition, have a full-time job, part-time studies, seventeen hobbies and other extra curriculum activates + projects to attend, as well as various social commitments to fulfil. I cannot even begin to remember, when I ever stopped to review what I actually wanted to be part of my life and what was really worth my time, as I was so busy running around like a headless chicken, engaging in the “shoulds and musts” while trying to please everyone around me.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s me who chose my workplace and who decided to apply for the study program. It was also me who chose to sign up for all the other activities and the people to spend time with and needless to say, I enjoyed all of it. It just became a bit much I think, when adding it all up. Especially, with the emphasis on general “shoulds and musts” and other peoples’ needs, rather than my own. I did consciously spend time recharging my batteries with activities and people I love, but the “doing nothing” aspect has been almost completely missing, yet is clearly needed.

I wrote this piece in Bologna, having stayed indoors for the past days nursing a flu. After I felt better again, I outed myself from the comfort of my flat to get on with the few sights I wanted to see; visited a gallery and some churches and markets. A couple of days later I was trying to decide whether to do some cultural or outdoorsy activity, when I realized that what I actually wanted to do was nothing. Compared to any regular second week of January, I, in this specific life period, had the luxury of actually following this desire. And so, I did – even after feeling physically OK to get out there and “do stuff”, I stayed indoors and got back to my beloved activity of not doing anything. Without excuses or reasons. It’s surprising how difficult this can be.

A tiny voice still wondered in my mind: “should I at least go for a short walk? Yes, a bit of fresh air would do good” or “I’m sure the museum of modern art is still open at this time, there is still time for a short afternoon visit”. But I bluntly ignored it. All of the activities I tend to engage myself in here in Italy (apart from the language learning) don’t normally require too much of brain activity, are highly enjoyable and give me plenty of time to think and reflect – yet still, I sometimes need a break from all of it to do none of it. I think I’m slowly getting better at listening to myself to realize when this is needed.

The thing about lolling around for long enough and frequently enough with your personal approval is that after filling the “doing nothing” cup, you automatically want to get back on track with the other things that excite you in life, when the time is right. You look forward to doing your morning work-out and going to that museum or diving into the Italian present perfect. Getting groceries (yay!), going for a brisk walk (aww!), writing that blog post (can’t wait!) and washing your hair (whoop whoop!). Perhaps going to work (the bomb!), dragging your bum to the gym (hallelujah!) or bringing out the trash (can’t get enough of it!). It’s like having a relaxing holiday, but integrated to your everyday life. I think this is the magic of it.

We all know that everything eventually comes down to having the right balance in place. A proper stop sometimes helps to evaluate whether this balance is actually a healthy one, or whether it needs some shifting. What do you reckon; how does your balance look when it comes to the “shoulds and musts” in life and the recharging moments of being anything else than productive? Mine has clearly been off. But am working on it. The interesting question here is why one would have such a hard time slacking, even if it’s needed. But this is a different story for another time :)

Fresh handmade pasta for sale, Bologna city views, the famous Tortelloni al Ragù, yummie pastries, Cass on the hike to the Sanctuary of the Madonna di San Luca feat. the famous Bologna Particoes and a picturesque flower shop in the city

Yesterday I arrived in Venice and will be spending a week here, so there will definitely be plenty of pictures coming your way! I sense a lot of January dread within my community, so am sending you an extra warm vibe and powers to tackle this endless month - you know you can do it!

Stay well & bacio! Cass 💋